CAROL

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This blog is for me.  It is a story that has had an immense impact on my life.  It is sad. 

I have a day spa.  Ethics are very important to me.  I pride myself on the level of respect and confidentiality that I show my clients.  It is important to me and my clients to feel safe enough to vent their troubles away. 

Clients come to me and refer family members.  I have been in business over 20 years.  I have watched families grow over the years and think of each as my own family.

Carol was a member of one such family.  She was kind, loving, giving, and genuine.  I enjoyed her visits and we would talk and laugh.  She would come in about six times a year. 

I was younger and naïve.  If I had been aware of the impact or depth of her revelations, I would have told a family member.  Isn’t that the way though, in suicide?  We always blame ourselves.  Could I have done more?  If I had said something, could I have stopped this tragedy?  It will always haunt me and it happened over 10 years ago. 

When Carol would say how much she wanted my life, I laughed!  I would tell her how lucky she was.  In my eyes she had it all; the family and the career.  “Who would want my life?  Who would want to come home to an empty house every single day and have no one to share the ups and downs with?” I would tell her. 

I will never forget the words she said next; “I hate my life.  I hate my husband.  I hate my children.  I hate my job.  I want your life.”  In my defense, how could I believe or comprehend what she was saying?  It was the exact opposite of my thinking. 

Within a month she was gone.  She had gone to a hotel and overdosed.  She was dead.

Later in talking with family members I had found out she had been taking anti-depressants.  She had been battling depression for years.  No one told me, why would they?  I am just her Aesthetician after all, I wasn’t even invited to the memorial service. 

I have never had a client express the level of depression or despair that Carol shared with me since then.  I am still so sad, miss her, and think of her often.

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