Random Thoughts – Pain & Love

My boyfriend really hurt himself.  He fell 10 feet to the ground on his back and did serious damage.  It took 4 weeks of filing grievances with Obama Care to get them to even cover part of his expenses.  He had chronic pain the entire time.  I cannot explain in words what that was like.  Frustrating, sad, and helpless.  He is a retired Marine and Police Officer – shameful how our country has let them down with this horrible insurance scam.


I have been through a husband with cancer, getting radiation treatments.  This is different.  Chronic pain is different.  Several of my clients have been through similar experiences and have told me about them.  I don’t think you can understand it unless it is you.  I am thankful that our brains turn off and forget pain.


My boyfriend is a strong man, a very proud man.  He has never been hurt like this before.  Never had to rely on someone else for anything, much less the basic necessities of every day life.  He is left-handed so, of course, they had to literally rebuild his left shoulder.  The surgeon used a pulley system with cadaver tendons to put him back together again.  It is really fragile and if he doesn’t follow after-care instructions, he could mess the whole thing up again.  Within 6 months, he should be as strong as he was.  

He won’t be able to do the heavy lifting he was doing before, but we can have a life again.   We went white-water rafting and zip-lining last summer and he bought a camper so that we could travel all over the place and do fun things.  We plan things for the future, it’s exciting!


I love him.  Not like when I was younger and  stupid enough to give my whole heart to someone.  I love him in a more respectful way that includes me.  He is a truly good man, the kind of man I would make a lifetime commitment to.  Tremendous integrity, unquestioningly loyal.  


I now watch what people do rather than just listen to empty words.  We all say things and sometimes do not follow through.  I keep a list, to keep my heart in check.  It works, really well.  I recommend this.

We do not live together.  I am not sure I can co-habit with someone else.  I love when he is here and miss him desperately when he is gone.  But, every day, all day!?!?  I have often said, the best living arrangement is a Duplex.


I am an introvert and a loner.  Love my jobs; Medical Aesthetician, Artist, and Handy Woman!  I like quiet, peaceful, Zen moments.  I like it warm.  He is the exact opposite of all these things.  But, he is the best man I have ever met.  Good and kind to the very core.

Honestly, I was starting to think all men were selfish, narcissists.  I think narcissism is a way of showing someone you do not love them.  If you love someone, you are sensitive to their needs, wants, and boundaries.  Bottom line, I feel he loves me back.


Oh, yes, I must discuss “Emotional Blackmail”.  “I will only love you and be kind to you if you….”.   What a joke!   (In my case, it has had to do with me liking or being with someone I didn’t like or want to be with.)  This has happened to me several times, by several different people in my life.  Sad really.  Be with people who respect you, support you, and make you smile.  Controlling people, ewwww.  Boundaries.  You cannot make someone love you.


2 thoughts on “Random Thoughts – Pain & Love

    1. It’s a list of nice things he says he is going to do. I make a list of opposites too. They are different. If you have opposites, you can compromise and work it out. If you tell someone you will do something and don’t – it’s a lie. The do stuff ticks up and down because doing things takes time, which is so valuable. When someones does something for me, I really value and appreciate it. Doing everything you say you will do is a true skill. You must be very mindful of your words. At least that’s my thoughts on the whole thing. It just keeps me “In Check” so that I am watching actions. I have been guilty of just listening before I started the lists.


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